Note: In one of the posts that I wrote in the past I went back and edited before I published. This practice will no longer be a part of this blog. The purpose of this blog is to write what is on my mind, unedited and unfiltered. If I feel as though I have written something that does not represent what I meant I will clarify below the original idea or in another post.
My wife and I decided to watch The Matrix last night. She had never seen it all the way through and I like to revisit it from time to time to remind myself to live my life disconnected from The Matrix as much as possible. Anyway, the scene where Neo finally realizes that the rules inside of The Matrix are self imposed and that he can bend or break them really got to me in terms of sobriety. You remember, he is going against the three agents by himself and he looks down that hallway and sees for the first time that these seemingly unconquerable threats are simply lines of code and the world in which they operate is the same and when they unload their clips at him he simply says “no” and puts his hand out stopping the bullets in mid air. He plucks one out of the suspended group and studies it, contemplatively before dropping it to the floor, where all the others fall. Flexing his new found realization the walls bend around him and instead of fighting the agent he runs toward it and actually jumps inside it, destroying it from the inside. After that scene I told my wife that it summed up exactly how I feel in AA. Now I know that stopping bullets in mid air sounds awful cocky of me but let me explain. To me alcohol has always been not unlike bullets, something that I would never be able to dodge or outrun, something that would get me no matter what I did. It is earlier in the movie where Neo asks Morpheus “Are you saying I will be able to dodge bullets?” and Morpheus replies “I am saying that when you are ready, you won’t need to”. That is what I feel Alcoholics Anonymous is doing for me. Yes, there are still bullets coming at me all the time, and I can’t dodge them, but at least for today I can stop them. With my higher power, the fellowship that I surround myself with and a strong will to stay sober just for today the bullets halt before hitting me. Piercing me. Walls bend when I flex, it’s lovely.